12th Oct 2024 |
Practitioner Tips and Hints
Written By
Phil Hendrix
I invite you to close your eyes for a moment and notice what comes to mind when I say the word “coaching”. What do you see? What words and thoughts come to mind?
Chances are, some of you will see images of strong, masculine, well-dressed people – people like Tony Robbins, Jay Shetty, Brooke Castillo, or other icons of the industry. Some of you will imagine a figure striding back and forth on a stage with confidence, telling you that whatever you want, you can have it! Maybe you thought of a mentor or an accountability partner, guiding you as you get your life together, encouraging you to be your highest self. Or, maybe you thought about someone far younger than you who thinks they know more than they really do.
As a coach, I’ll be the first to say that these stereotypes have a lot of truth to them. But, there is so much more to coaching than that. The industry is becoming more and more diverse, holistic, and tailored to people from all walks of life. So, to make a truly informed decision, it’s best to set aside our preconceived notions and get back to the basics, starting with what coaching is really all about.
What is a Coach, and Do I Need One?
Funnily enough, the word ‘coach’ actually comes from the word ‘wagon’ or ‘carriage’. Think of the stage coaches that ferried people and goods between frontier towns in America’s Wild Wild West. In the same way, a person who works as a coach is basically responsible for helping you get from one place to another, from point A to point B, from where you are now to where you want to be. They do that by helping you to create a clear destination, whether it’s a life vision or a single goal. They generally begin with a diagnostic tool that helps you get a sense of where you’re at right now, and along the way they’ll help you to identify blind spots: the things you didn’t know you didn’t know. And then, they equip you with the tools, practices, and support you need to reach your destination. So, if you’re considering working with a coach, here are 3 questions you need to be asking:
Do you know where you’re going?: Do you have a vision? Do you have goals? Are you clear about the destination you would like to head to? By the way, this destination can be material and external (career, fitness, relationships, etc.); it can also be subtle and internal (mental health, spiritual life, etc.).
Do you know where you are?: Do you know your strengths as well as your weaknesses? Can you see how you created the life you have? Do you have a method for uncovering your blinds spots, the subtle ways you might be sabotaging yourself or holding yourself back?
Do you feel confident in your ability to get from where you are to where you want to be?: Do you have the tools and resources to go on that inner journey on your own?
How Do I Know If A Coach Is For Me?
Another way to understand coaching is through the prism of sports, where coaches are there to get the best out of you. To do so, they’ll teach you skills and share their wisdom. They’ll help you do the ‘outer work’ of practicing, taking care of your body, etc. And, if they’re good, they’ll also help you do the ‘inner work’ of addressing the underlying factors that contribute to your success: your motivation, your confidence, and your ability to stay cool under pressure, to name a few.
In the same way, life coaches will introduce you to new tools and concepts, and they’ll suggest practices for you to do on your own. They’ll probably also hold you accountable to your commitments. The best coaches will take it a step farther, though. They won’t just look at your actions and results; they’ll also help you explore the underlying factors that contribute to success. The most common factor is your mindset: your thoughts, beliefs, and identity. Increasingly, though, coaches are addressing other areas as well: your emotions, your physical health (particularly the state of your nervous system), your social support system, and your spiritual connection. With that in mind, here are some questions to keep in your mind as you decide who to start working with and who to keep working with:
Are they giving me the tools and concepts I need to get to my destination?
Do they offer a process that I believe in, and are they helping me stay on course?
Do they address the underlying factors that are essential for my success?
When it comes to addressing underlying factors, each of us has a different inclination. Some of us are drawn to mindset or somatic (body) work. Others prefer to sit with feelings and hold space for the more innocent parts of themselves. Others have a deep spiritual connection and draw inspiration from their faith. It’s important that, whatever you’re drawn to, your coach is meeting you on that level too. If you leave your coaching sessions feeling unheard, unmet, not fully understood, or dissatisfied in any way, it’s really worth asking yourself if because if it’s because you two just like to do the ‘inner work’ in different ways. If so, no hard feelings – it just might be time to find someone you really resonate with, because I promise you, there is someone out there like you, who gets you, and who will leave you feeling more empowered, expanded, and sure of yourself. Please shop around and find someone or something that works for you. You deserve it!
Coaching vs. Therapy
Increasingly, the lines are blurring between these two worlds. I’d recommend, in most cases, focusing on the person, their quality of being, and the modality they use, rather than fixating on their background. But, to give you a better idea of what to expect, here are a few highly generalized differences. Please take each with a grain of salt.
Therapists focus on deep inner processes, while coaches focus on efficiency and results.
Therapists go into the past more, while coaches focus look more to the future.
Therapists generally charge by the session, while coaches often charge for a program.
Therapists are licensed and regulated, whereas anyone can call themselves a coach.
Therapists take you from bad to okay, while coaches take you from good to great.
Therapists are more about holding space, while coaches are more about effecting change.
One clear difference is that, if you are struggling to function in your day-to-day life, or if you pose a risk to yourself or others, it is best to work with a licensed mental health professional, though coaching might be a useful additional support.
If you’re interested in learning more about coaching and my particular form of coaching, Holistic Life Coaching, feel free to book a free consultation with me. I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have!
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